FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   Log inLog in   RegisterRegister
McCloudites! Goto page 1, 2  Next
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Zwol.org Forum Index -> Morning Improv
Previous: PostWilliam Messner-Loebs needs your help! Next: PostWhy do comics authors like monkeys so ...  
Author Message
Fortunato
Frequent Poster


Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 50
Location: North Dakota

PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2002 3:39 am    Post subject: McCloudites! Reply with quote

It occured to me (or at least the name occured to me) a few days after I first visited the site of McCloud, Modern Deity of Comics and Artistic Endevors (may his name be forever blessed), that if anyone deserves deification, it's our dear freind Scott. So, without furter ado, I give you the First Cult of Scott McCloud Informational Pamphlet and Conversion Kit!

Article I: Heresy and The Faithful.

McCloud will save his believers when the mighty hand of Gbltidtz decends from the places that are above the other places to remove artistic integrity from humanity. Those who do not accept this doctrine will be tortured in innovative and artistically acceptable ways until they repent. Needless to say, the advertising agencies of the world will be our first target.

Article II: What do we believe?

We believe in the fundamental divinity of Scott McCloud, a well known comic writer and artist from the late twentieth century and early twenty-first. By following the six-fold path to form and idea we achieve a greater artistic unity with the universe.

Article III: Do you have any props or doohickeys?

Regretfully, at this time we do not, but at some time we are hoping to commision the creation of a "McCloudy", a modest craven image roughly the same size as a breadbox bearing His ineffable likeness from the pages of our holy book, "Understanding Comics". Upon this image's creation, you too can possess a Scott McCloud home worship kit! Simply offering up a poorly drawn comic at the beginning of the day will mark that you are striving for "form" and "idea".

Article IV: How do I become a McCloudite?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Fortunato
Frequent Poster


Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 50
Location: North Dakota

PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2002 3:41 am    Post subject: final bit of doctine... Reply with quote

Converting to McCloudism is remarkably simple and convenient for those who wish to worship our patron (may his name be forever blessed). The doctrine of McCloudism is flexible enough to even allow the most rigourously affermative fanatic to adapt McCloud into their pantheons. For example, many of the Catholic faithful simply believe that He is a saint, and not a god, as mainstream McCloudism holds. To become a McCloudite you simply must purchase the collected works of Scott McCloud from your local bookstore (this can be a difficult step as this collection doesn't technically exist yet) and subscribe to the doctrine that McCloud will save humanity from the deathly evil of unoriginality.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

WELL, that's all I could think of. I'll lay a comic at the feet of my McCloudy sometime tommorow morning.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Max Leibman
Consistant Poster


Joined: 15 Apr 2001
Posts: 130
Location: Springfield, Nebraska (USA)

PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2002 8:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's funny.

Disturbing as fuck.

But funny.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Greg Stephens
Forum Founder


Joined: 14 Apr 2001
Posts: 3861
Location: Los Angeles, California, USA

PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2002 10:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A blast from the past:
Scott McCloud wrote:
"McCloudian" was originally a label imposed from outside, then appropriated, sorta like "Yankee." Expect it to be used most often by people who *don't* agree with me. I laughed the first time that I saw it in a letter to The Comics Journal a few years back. It was so surreal.

So, um...

I ORDER YOU TO DISOBEY ME!

_________________
Good morning! That's a nice tnetennba.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
Fortunato
Frequent Poster


Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 50
Location: North Dakota

PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2002 12:27 pm    Post subject: Added note Reply with quote

I forgot to mention: the McCloudites are not to be confused with the McLuddites. The McLuddites believe that all technology should be destroyed except for that which is responsible for the production of McDonald's fries. Mmmmm, fries. My brother founded that cult; I think he's on an island in the pacific somewhere cultivating potatoes.

As for the disturbing part, Thanks. It's a gift really. A gift I can't return. Trust me, it really don't impress the ladies much.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Rip Tanion
Reinvents understanding


Joined: 12 Apr 2002
Posts: 635
Location: The Riptania Sky-Palace in da beauuuuuutiful Bronx.

PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2002 3:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oooh, a new religion. Everyone knows the best money making scam in the world is religion, and I wanna get in on the ground floor of this one. I was too late to get a steak in that Scientology racket, but this time I wanna strike while the iron is hot.

I'm announcing my availablity as a Church official. Nothing too big, mind you. Bishop of the Bronx seems apt for me, though I don't know how many coverts we can swing in this region. Arch-Bishop of the Hudson Valley would be an even better position.

The next step, of course, is to sucker dopey Hollywood types to join your religion, and spread the Holy Word. The L. Ron Hubbard crowd has John Travolta, Tom Cruise, and Kirstie Alley, so MCCloudites need to find some other gullible actors out there. Of course, some might be convinced to join the movement for other reasons. Do you think we could get Heston?

Of course, in order to elevate Scott to godlike staus, we have to make up some wild story about his birth. How about..."and lo, he came to be, born in a newsstand. With no cloth available, he was swaddled in the Sunday Comics section. And lo (gotta use that word lo a lot), the three wise men, Will Eisner, Jack Kirby, and Robert Crumb, were in attendance to pay tribute to the newborn King." Bittybop, bitty boo, and what ever the hell else you wanna put in there.
_________________
"Park the beers, and grab the smiles. It's flight time." - LtCdr. J. Robert "Bobby" Stone, USN (R.I.P.)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Fortunato
Frequent Poster


Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 50
Location: North Dakota

PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2002 11:39 am    Post subject: getting in on the ground floor Reply with quote

well, rip, the only thing required is the will to convert or create more of the gullible.... I mean faithful. I think we should allow the men to have multiple wives, don't you? especially highranking officials, that way we can produce more faithful faster. just your luck mr. bishop of the bronx. We should also make a small donation manditory. say, your life savings.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Fortunato
Frequent Poster


Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 50
Location: North Dakota

PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2002 9:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There are those who refer to me as cynical, but I categorically deny all charges.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Rip Tanion
Reinvents understanding


Joined: 12 Apr 2002
Posts: 635
Location: The Riptania Sky-Palace in da beauuuuuutiful Bronx.

PostPosted: Sun Jun 02, 2002 6:25 pm    Post subject: Bishop of the Bronx. Reply with quote

As a high-ranking church member, am I required to donate my life savings? If that so, it no big deal. With the little dough I got stashed away, that's a damn cheap price to pay for multiple wives. Now, are these marriages arranged, or can I pick and choose who will be part of my harem?
_________________
"Park the beers, and grab the smiles. It's flight time." - LtCdr. J. Robert "Bobby" Stone, USN (R.I.P.)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Fortunato
Frequent Poster


Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 50
Location: North Dakota

PostPosted: Sun Jun 02, 2002 11:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

well, I already donated my entire life savings to me so I guess you should be required to as well. as for the wives part, despite the countless female recruiting drives I have funded out of my own pocket (they were dates, really. they tend to get a little creeped out when I show up in a kahftan) our female memebership still stands at zero out of two. I know where a lot of pretty girls live, though. If you don't mind having wives against their will (for all practical purposes the same, screwing a brainwashed person is pretty much the same as screwing someone fully paralized, their eyes are glassy and they don't move much) we could go to their houses and club them in the back of the neck and drage them away.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Fortunato
Frequent Poster


Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 50
Location: North Dakota

PostPosted: Sun Jun 02, 2002 11:55 pm    Post subject: Okay, bear in mind... Reply with quote

WOW. boy, that was taking it a little to far even for me. I'll apologize later, right now we're only halfway through the joke.

I wish had a gift for writing happy, pleasant things. sadly, it was not to be. rip, keep asking questions. We'll see how creepy I can get.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Chris Wright
Guest





PostPosted: Mon Jun 03, 2002 8:04 am    Post subject: A new nation Reply with quote

The U-nited States doesn't allow polygamy. How are you going to solve this? I suggest making a new nation. The churches of the McCloud will be on Indian reservations and country borders to promote jurisdictional disputes. With luck, there will be wars between the US, Canadia, Mexico, and Russia, and McCloudites can take over when the governments have fallen.

We can be fully as insidious as those unassuming wossnames, Masons.

I suggest theocratic dictatorships.

Laimes,
Wright
Back to top
Fortunato
Frequent Poster


Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 50
Location: North Dakota

PostPosted: Mon Jun 03, 2002 11:23 am    Post subject: HA! Reply with quote

well, the anit-poligamy laws never stopped the mormons. Once this here cult is big enough we might be able to compete with them, but right now they'd stomp us, and I fear a theocracy with them in charge. The real tragedy is that my overthrow of the government has already progressed into its final stages (the election of Georgy pie was a big part, and then came the bombings. Haha, my plan is proceding perfectly! expect suspicious things to start going wrong underneath Los Angeles in a few years, followed by chicago. I can say no more). but the ideas about border disputes is just fabulous. I would adore a little loss of life; killing just makes everything so much more interesting, don't you think?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Rip Tanion
Reinvents understanding


Joined: 12 Apr 2002
Posts: 635
Location: The Riptania Sky-Palace in da beauuuuuutiful Bronx.

PostPosted: Mon Jun 03, 2002 4:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good God...I mean Great Scott, man, you've gone too far! I joined this religion to get rich and get chicks. I don't want no part of this New World Order jazz. I'm a lover, not a murderer. I'm splittin' this scene, Daddy-O, tuit-suite and jurist prudence. I gonna pop in my tape of The Ten Commandments to clens my soul. I must repent for having a hand in the Golden Calf, else I meet the fate of the wicked Dathan (play brilliantly by the great Eddie G, mmmyah, see!)
_________________
"Park the beers, and grab the smiles. It's flight time." - LtCdr. J. Robert "Bobby" Stone, USN (R.I.P.)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
InkAddict
Consistant Poster


Joined: 06 May 2002
Posts: 173
Location: Belgium

PostPosted: Mon Jun 03, 2002 5:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I propose we wipe out these evil heathens who cannot behold the TRUTH!

The Almighty McCloud has sent upon us the Holy Task to cleanse the world of all non-believers!

Led by the Mighty Prophet (profit?) Pop-Eye, we will conquer the world! No-one expects the Spinache Inquisition!

For Robin The Wonder-Boy has said upon the masses:
Quote:
Holy Spinache!

_________________
Check out my new site (under construction) at: InkAddict
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Rincewind
Guest





PostPosted: Mon Jun 03, 2002 11:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Poor Scott.

The funny thing is, I bet the same thing happened to Jesus.

Umm, is there a Supreme Evil Nemisis of the exalted McCloud?(May he be blessed with neat lighting and sound effects that apparently come out of nowhere)
Back to top
Fortunato
Frequent Poster


Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 50
Location: North Dakota

PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2002 12:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Of course he has a nemesis! didn't you read the informational pamphlet? His nemesis is the evil Gbltidtz! Sadly, the only thing I know about him is that he lives in the places that are above the other places. Why he's going to remove artistic integrity from the rest of us, or why his name has so few vowels, I'm not really sure. I don't even know how to pronounce it.

As for you, Rip, my own personal Judas, you'll be sad to know that I just got off the phone with Sandra Bullock and Cameron Diaz, and they both would rather move to New York than live way out here in the sticks with me, and that niether of them has a problem with poligamy, or even lesbianism. Too bad for you I just dispatched my crack enforcer team to your house (I just hired them yesterday. I wasn't going to hire them but they had the coolest little gas masks and they were willing to work for a very reasonable rate). If you hear a suspicious buzzing noise around 1:34 am tomorrow, enjoy your last few moments of conciousness. From what I saw, their methods are fairly painless (at least I think the leftover bits of the dog they blew up weren't in a lot of pain).
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
sak
Guest





PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2002 1:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Funny! Demented but still funny!
Back to top
Rip Tanion
Reinvents understanding


Joined: 12 Apr 2002
Posts: 635
Location: The Riptania Sky-Palace in da beauuuuuutiful Bronx.

PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2002 4:13 pm    Post subject: Judas laughs Reply with quote

Crack enforcer? You mean the guy who got mugged coming out of the Port Authority Bus Terminal? He should have been more careful. He was too busy looking at the scenery, and he just smacked of tourist.

Battered, bruised and now only possessing the $.75 which was in his sock... not enough for subway fair to the Bronx..he took in three 25cent rounds at an Eighth Ave. peep show instead. Of course, knowing he still had to carry out his mission, he walked over to the West Side highway, where her found a shady, but rich, character, who agreed to pay him the $3.00 round-trip train fair, in exchange for some sodomy. This perv was so satisfied, he gave your boy a ten.

He then caught a train to the Bronx, but realized he had no idea where in the Bronx I lived, or which train he should take to get there. So, instead he just took the IND up to Yankee Stadium, and used his remaining money for a ticket in the bleachers. However, he forgot the whole time that he had been wearing Red Sox hat, and as a result, during the game, he was berated by the Bleacher Creatures, and was pelted with cups of beer, peanuts, and other assorted food product. For this, we has ejected from the Stadium for littering. Walking through the South Bronx, he was mugged again and beaten up worse for having no money.

Abused, broke, and humilitiated, he threw himself into the Harlem River and drowned himself.
_________________
"Park the beers, and grab the smiles. It's flight time." - LtCdr. J. Robert "Bobby" Stone, USN (R.I.P.)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Fortunato
Frequent Poster


Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 50
Location: North Dakota

PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2002 4:40 pm    Post subject: I am merely a marker of things to come... Reply with quote

McCloud is displeased. An angry storm moves over New York, and my plan for your elimintation is only half complete. Given my postition of power in my home state, you should be very afraid, as I recently took control of the military here in North Dakota. Did you know that the theory was once advanced that if ND seceded from the union, we would be the strongest nuclear power in the world? I control this state now. But that is beside the point about your impending elimination. The sodomy and the pelting was all actually part of the plan. Clearly you missed it when he climbed out of the river into a nearby storm sewer duct to rendevous with the rest of his team (one of the things I really liked about this enforcer squad was a hgih tolerance for humiliation). I told him to lull you into a state of complacence with feigned incompetence, and my plan has worked perfectly. With my newfound access to the national GPS systems, we'll find your apartment in no time. If that doesn't work, well, then I'll just have to bomb New York. No big loss, I guess, from your description. Why did you want to be the Bishop of the Bronx anyway? You could have been bishop of Sunny California, or Florida, or The Isle of Hot Naked Women (I only just discovered that last one).

By the way, Cameron says high, and let me tell you, she IS an real blonde.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Rip Tanion
Reinvents understanding


Joined: 12 Apr 2002
Posts: 635
Location: The Riptania Sky-Palace in da beauuuuuutiful Bronx.

PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2002 4:39 pm    Post subject: Fortunato's Folly Reply with quote

All I can do is laugh as some dirt farmer from Dakota tries to outsmart my cosmopolitan genius.
You make many assumtions, my friendly enemy, Flakey Foontomato. You assume I live in apartment. But pehaps I live in a house, or in a corner of the storeroom of Tony's Auto Parts and Flat Fix on Bruckner Blvd. You assume that my location can be devined by your crude technology. Fortunatly, my secret bunker here at Riptania is concrete shielded. Its harder to find than the Batcave, and can withstand any blast or radiation you can throw away. Proper preparation prevents piss poor performance.

And I'd advise you not to threaten to bomb my fair city. People in this town are pissed off enogh as is. WE WILL get an angry mob together, and go to North Dakata, and take over the whole state in less than a day.

And we know where you're hinding, oh, Unholy Pontifex of the Twisted Word of McCloud! You see, while hanging out at a bar in the Village, this past weekend, I met a chick from out of town, who is attending one of this cities renowned Art schools. After a long session of Mattress Olympics, I found out she hails from your hometown. She knows all about you and your familly. I now have a complete dossier on you and your gang, pal.

Of course, I know, you will try to backpeddle, and claim Little Miss Sculpture Major was another one of your "Invisible Army"; but she has passed my Truth Verification Scanner with no suspiscions. And if she somehow fooled my sophisticated equipment, I doubt she's still in your corner. I give it to her REAL good.
_________________
"Park the beers, and grab the smiles. It's flight time." - LtCdr. J. Robert "Bobby" Stone, USN (R.I.P.)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Greg Stephens
Forum Founder


Joined: 14 Apr 2001
Posts: 3861
Location: Los Angeles, California, USA

PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2002 6:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You guys are nuts.
_________________
Good morning! That's a nice tnetennba.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
Fortunato
Frequent Poster


Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 50
Location: North Dakota

PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2002 11:22 pm    Post subject: This was the scene earlier today. Reply with quote

Fortunato: Mr. Patmos, What is the next order of business?

Patmos: Ummm... The elimination of "Judas" Tanion.

Fortunato: Status?

Patmos: Ummmm...

Fortunato: Well?

Patmos: Incomplete.

Fortunato: WHAT?! How could it be incomplete? I sent the crack assault team in almost three days ago!? There's no way they could fail!

Patmos: Well, they haven't exactly failed, sir, they merely haven't been able to locate him.

Fortunato: Unable to locate him? What do you mean?! They've got the backing of the strongest, best equipped military in the world, and access to extensive government records! One relatively normal guy from New York should hardly be able to stop them.

Patmos: Well, our intelligence reports that he really isn't terribly normal, and that he has access to more advanced technology than we have.

Fortunato: Nobody has access to more advanced technology!

Patmos: Well sir, bear in mind, this IS North Dakota, we are about three years behind technologically speaking, the same way we are in everything else.

Fortunato: Scott DAMMIT!

Patmos: Well, sir, we also recieved this message on our answering machine this afternoon: *CLICK-BEEP*Ha ha, 'lil foontomato went up the hill with Mary's lamb, came back satisfied! You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man, bitch!*WHIR-CLICK-BEEP* There was also a bag of flaming poop on our doorstep this morning, but I believe it was unrelated.

Fortunato: How could it be unrelated, our front door is thirty yards underground!

Patmos: Well sir, I was just trying to cheer you up. I know how you get when you're angry. Oh, also, he apparently has hooked up with a local artist.

Fortunato: What? Impossible!

Patmos: That was our assessment as well, as it is a well known fact that nobody from this state has any creative instincts or artistic interests at all. We suspect she's a local girl from the front steps of city hall, desperate to get in to Rip's pants.

Fortunato: Well THAT'S good, at least. Is the team still there and reporting?

Patmos: Yes, but they really hate it there. It's dingy and disguising where they are now, and they got out of the sewers yesterday. I told them to work on blending in with the locals, so the got a cardboard box and have been huddling in an alley near a burning oil barrel and drinking like fish. In a few days they will have acquired the requisite level of dirt and grime to properly fit in with the other New Yorkers. But in the meantime, they are keeping a low profile. The only squeegy empty cars, so no one is suspicious.

Fortunato: Well, things aren't all bad, at least. What about the cult progression? How is it going?

Patmos: Fairly well, recruiting is up, and I've recently acquired two more wives.

Fortunato: Attractive?

Patmos: Good nordic stock. Blonde, long legs, tits to die for, and extremely susceptible to whatever doctrine is presented to them. Your choice of state was superb.

Fortunato: Well, it was a difficult decision. I'm glad you approve.

Patmos: Well I know what happens to those who disapprove, sir. I haven't forgotten Anderson, the man I replaced.

Fortunato: You'll go far, Patmos. Go enjoy your new wives. I've got strategic thinking and lovemaking to do.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Zem
Regular Poster


Joined: 07 Apr 2002
Posts: 24

PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2002 3:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I kind of stopped reading about halfway through, so I apologize if this has been said already, but...

Sweet Jesus on a pogo stick, you people are fucked up.

Well, everyone is, really. You're just being a bit too public about it. And it burns. Oh, does it burn.
_________________
- Colin Langton
The person you love is 72.8% water.Darkling
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address
Display posts from previous:   
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Zwol.org Forum Index -> Morning Improv All times are GMT - 5 Hours
Goto page 1, 2  Next
Page 1 of 2

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group