`False Dawn` Comic book I wrote page 1-5

budeno · Post by **budeno** » Fri Apr 26, 2013 10:03 pm

Here is my political thriller `False Dawn`pages 1-5.

Art by Ken Perry http://kenperry.deviantart.com/
Letters by Nicholas Shaw (found him on Zwol)
Written and Created by Kelly Bender (Me) http://myimaginationshome.blogspot.ca/ & http://saltybird.deviantart.com/

read the first 5 pages (of the soon to be pitched 4 part miniseries) here:

http://myimaginationshome.blogspot.ca/2 ... s-1-5.html

ZachEast · Post by **ZachEast** » Sat Apr 27, 2013 6:40 am

Pretty good, I like the art. my only criticism is the first couple pages run smoothly then the next two seem too cluttered with dialogue, but that's just me personally. Overall not bad.

darkersho · Post by **darkersho** » Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:03 pm

The post is in Seeking artist/writer... there's a HYPE thread, just FYI. So, I'm not sure if you're wanting feedback.

I like Ken's art. I agree with Zach. Way too many balloons on page four and five, it's too distracting and I want to stop reading. Cut it or break the page in two. When I get art back, the first thing I do is cut copy. I cut and cut and cut until you just have the essentials and the art. But I'm also the letter. Just my 2cents-- looks good!

takingbackshawn · Post by **takingbackshawn** » Sat Apr 27, 2013 4:57 pm

The art is not bad...I would say the inking needs serious work. Looks very rough and the lighting is all over the place. I also agree with the balloons, definitely a little crowded.

takingbackshawn · Post by **takingbackshawn** » Sat Apr 27, 2013 5:00 pm

Also in regards to what Darkersho hast said...To slow the reader down, you always want to do that by adding more panels and spreading the dialog throughout them...instead of one panel with a lot of balloons. It also allows for it to be more dramatic and dynamic for the reader.