Zwol.org

Hello I am currently working on a new copyrighted two comic part mini series superhero project called: "The Labranix" an Egyptian super powered female heroine named Juli Hedgecough who goes on a special advance class field trip to Egypt where she fulfills an ancient prophecy and finds a lost in time medallion which gives her mystical powers over rock, sand, and Egyptian magic. Juli tries to master her powers but accidentally unleashes an ancient dark force known as Zaria, the forgotten one, who gives powers to a tomb robber who is then commanded to destroy the medallion and the one who controls it, so He follows Juli back to Saint Louis, MO where he hunts her down and she uses her powers to defend herself and citizens around her.

Setting of Story: Saint Louis, MO
Time Setting: Present Day


This is a comic that I plan to try and publish so if you are interested please respond soon, you can message me here or at johnalanervin123@hotmail.com , Thank you for your time.

I think this idea needs to be developed more, and not in what I usually advise writers looking for artists on this site. It is a decently written synopsis but nothing about it grabs me. I know there's nothing but "A girl gets superpowers and fights an ancient evil" which has been done before so many times that we need some edge to keep us in. We want something different, especially since you don't seem to be offering payment (If you are you can ignore my advice).

Here are ways you can improve your pitch. Number one, give us an interesting character. Maybe Juli is an emotional unstable girl who, though virtuous at heart, is all too keen to just do what she wants with her powers. Maybe Juli is a typical Clara Kent type but she's undergoing a mourning period for her dead brother who actually guided her to her superpowers and is the herald of a supernatural being's secret agends. Maybe Zaria is interesting because he has the ability to revert portions of land to that of ancient egypt and using these Egyptians as thralls Juli must combat.

The second way is plot. An interesting scenario can help, like maybe the plot takes place entirely in an ancient, vast tomb that Juli is trapped in and she must win the favor of ancient beings/gods that hand out in the crypt. Maybe this "Prophecy" predicts the coming apocalypse and the story has an edge of people preparing for the end of the world. Or you could go the opposite rule and INTENTIONALLY have a cheesy thin plot to poke fun of the silver age of comic books or even as a homeage in the vein of Alan Moore's Supreme run or his Tom Strong series. Give us something more to dig into.

Lastly the way you can fix your pitch is adding interesting lore or mood. Mention that myths play a heavy part in it and make a surreal thoughtful piece like Neil Gaiman's Sandman. Maybe make the piece action packed and give an example of action packed script you have written and prove the action is worth price of admission. Or even add an interesting theme like that ancient Egypt is in a way superior to the modern world in certain fashions, like perhaps more determination and more faith in the divine.

All these ideas, together or apart, could help your story. You need to make your piece sound exciting and stand out, I know you can do it!

Best of luck,
Sincerely,
Ruyei

Please specify whether this is a payed project or not. Thx