Synopsis: Savage jungle girls fighting dinosaurs.
Length: 22 pages
Looking for: constructive criticism & feedback.
Here is the script: http://liminalsoup.com/ava-lostgirl-script.pdf
thanks!
Can anyone critique my comicbook script?
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liminalsoup
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Can anyone critique my comicbook script?
Someone once told me 'if you've got a world in your head, you have a responsibility to give it life'.
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BoydDesign
- Regular Poster
- Posts: 45
- Joined: Mon Aug 02, 2010 6:44 pm
- Location: Dallas, Texas
hope this helps
First, it's a brave thing to try to write in this genre, so congrats on that. The caveman/woman genre is touch, because it is riddled with cliche and they are almost impossible to avoid. I suggest you try to find Alan Moore's novel "Voice of the Fire". It is a unique approach and I think you might enjoy it.
Second, I think you have definitely written a script for a comic, not a novel, but even so, the same stuff kind of applies. Don't describe in words something you are showing in pictures, for example. But mainly, make the story about a PERSON. Make it relate to the audience and to do that, define the audience you are writing the story for before you get started. Is this for little kids? Is this for teens? Is this for adults?
Write to that audience. Be witty. Be smart, write in to a corner then write your way out of it. Write morality into tale about characters who themselves have only a rudimentary sense of what that means. Write about the world, but do it in a way that the creatures in it are real to the reader, In your story, for example, you have a gigantisaurous attacking a triceratops.
Would NEVER happen. Both of these creatures were herbivores, eating plants only. Plus, gigantisaurous was WAAAAAAY to large to pay any attention to a triceratops UNLESS he stepped on one and hurt his foot.
So research, research, research. Know your stuff.
But write about the stuff we CAN'T see. The smells, the feelings the characters are experiencing, the heat, the cold, the textures, you get it.
SHOW the other stuff. And as a general rule, remember this, if it doesn't move the story forward towards the end of the story or have a place that makes a point that needs to be made because of an event that happens in the story, think long and hard about whether or not it belongs in the story.
And read.
Read EVERYTHING.
You'll get there.
M
Second, I think you have definitely written a script for a comic, not a novel, but even so, the same stuff kind of applies. Don't describe in words something you are showing in pictures, for example. But mainly, make the story about a PERSON. Make it relate to the audience and to do that, define the audience you are writing the story for before you get started. Is this for little kids? Is this for teens? Is this for adults?
Write to that audience. Be witty. Be smart, write in to a corner then write your way out of it. Write morality into tale about characters who themselves have only a rudimentary sense of what that means. Write about the world, but do it in a way that the creatures in it are real to the reader, In your story, for example, you have a gigantisaurous attacking a triceratops.
Would NEVER happen. Both of these creatures were herbivores, eating plants only. Plus, gigantisaurous was WAAAAAAY to large to pay any attention to a triceratops UNLESS he stepped on one and hurt his foot.
So research, research, research. Know your stuff.
But write about the stuff we CAN'T see. The smells, the feelings the characters are experiencing, the heat, the cold, the textures, you get it.
SHOW the other stuff. And as a general rule, remember this, if it doesn't move the story forward towards the end of the story or have a place that makes a point that needs to be made because of an event that happens in the story, think long and hard about whether or not it belongs in the story.
And read.
Read EVERYTHING.
You'll get there.
M
Always explain things in the simplest way possible, but never simpler than that._ Albert Einstein